Lonely Times......

This is a lonely business. I have family here in AZ, kids, mother, brothers, sister, friends and co-workers. Everyone knows I am moving to the UAE, and it never surprised anyone that I am doing this again. I have always been different. I have never been the social butterfly. I was the watcher, observer, learner of people and their ways. I have friends but they are select since, I do not let just anyone into my private life.

My best friend I have known since I was 17. Our husbans were best friends, our kids played together. We have gone through hell and high water and came out the other side stronger. Now, I am able to follow my dreams and my dearsest friend is staying home with fibro and lupus. How do I feel joy about my new adventure when she is suffering so. She is a trooper and thinks this is a great thing I am doingand happy for me.

My sister is great and wishes she could go with me and I hope she will come over for a vacation. My brothers have their lives to live. One is in college and busy and one has a family going into the fun teen years with his daughter. They are to busy to notice.

My mother on the other hand I worry about. She has had a boyfriend for over 30 years and he is now almost 90 and health wise not doing well. My mother has taken care of him and pushed him to live. I worry that if he dies she will take it hard, and I will be on the other side of the world living my life.

These were some of the things that I had struggled with. I am not worried about my kids. We all had to find our own way once we became adults, now it is their time to figure it out. I am the momma bird pushing them out of the nest to never let them return.

I feel selfish at times. So I don't talk to anyone about how cool and excited I am to be going to the UAE. I have found a group on facebook that allows me to be excited. But this is a lonely time.


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Tired and still life is not letting up....

I am sorry for not posting in a while... Here is the update:  I spent a month with my daughter and to my liking, she is doing great.  She has her new job and is the joy of her office. My granddaughter is two and a typical child (a bit on the demanding side but normal).  She is able to pay her bills and still have money left over to furnish her apartment (slowly).  So my worries about leaving (when it comes to her) are almost null.

My son, who has been struggling after his divorce and struggling to find work, got a job.  He is going to work for a global energy company in mid July. He took his physical and passed and now just needs to take a test then he is off to a norther state for his new life.  His son is 3 and just a joy.  We are all worried that his ex-wife is not ready for him to move so far away but this job is a life starter.  My son had to take it since jobs like this come along once in a life time...  So with him being my true last worry is slowly easing.

Now that everyone is taken care of life is still throwing me curves... I am only working part time at my school and it does not pay well.  With this being said, it is enough for me to get to the UAE and start my new life there, but now I have to help raise the money to get my son to his new job in two weeks...  The funds are running low and I am at my end...   I told my son that I would not go if it was a choice between me or him... But I can not do that.... I have to go.... this is the start of my life as well...  I have given everything up for this adventure and everything up for my kids.... How does a mother choose???

I do have one last resource, to raise funds, but  since my divorce 10 years ago, I have borrowed money once.  I paid it back when I said I would.  And that was to take a class to finish my teachers certificate. I pride myself  in taking care of my life. Doing what's needed to be done to make things work. It was not easy but I did it... Now, I will have to ask again and it is killing me...  I went last weekend to ask but could not bring myself to ask... Now I will have to, I have no choice,  logic is there, I know why, I know I will pay it back, but my pride is holding me back...  I know "Pride go-eth  before the fall"...

I will keep you posted if I actually ask this weekend....  this is just a trial that I have to over come....

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